Blonz - Blonz (1990)

This self-titled album has all the trademarks of late '80s/early '90s pop-metal and hard rock -- big hair, big guitars and a big, glossy production. Bands like Poison, Warrant, Bon Jovi and Winger were selling millions of albums at the time, and some labels reasoned that one way to make a quick buck was to sign bands that went out of their way to emulate the popular hard rockers of the day. A lot of generic, faceless bands got signed to major labels, and Blonz was an unfortunate example. There's nothing wrong with commercial arena rock as long as you have the right hooks and some degree of originality -- contrary to what many rock critics believe, not everyone has to be as deep and meaningful as U2, Tori Amos or Nirvana. But Blonz (not to be confused with 4 Non Blondes) fails to provide any memorable hooks, and no traces of originality are shown on knee-jerk, contrived numbers like "Sexy Ride," "What's On Your Mind" and "Skintight" (not to be confused with the Ohio Players' funk classic). Blonz is about as generic, insincere and faceless as it gets.