bvdub - Oak and Divisadero (2025)

In 1999, I met a girl that will probably be the only one I will ever love like I loved then.

Our relationship consisted far more of silence than it did of words, every night wordless, lying on the floor listening to beatless ambient until the sun arose, saying far more than we ever could have otherwise.

Our conversations consisting of alternate selections, an album chosen by her, then one of mine, into infinity every night into the morning, even their transition a completely silent affair - a dialogue, and a love I remember nearly every moment of to this day.

When our perfect little world was finally infiltrated by the terribly flawed version we had sought to escape, ours crumbled like dust under its weight. In an instant. As all perfection does. As it is merely an illusion.

But illusion is in the eye of the beholder.

I've never forgotten those nights. Those times. That love. And the glimpses of true happiness I knew, illusory or not.

Those times are long gone, a relic of the past. But they live on every day in what I would hesitate to call a present.

For me there has never been a present. Or a future.

Only the past exists.